You know, as you try to leave to somewhere that you know that you hate most, eventually you’ll understand the meaning of living your life the way you wanted it the most. Yes, I’ve been enjoying the past six month of my life a lot. Yet nothing last forever, so they said and it is true.
Life have so much to offer, so they said again. But of course life will have its up and down and no matter what, always keep it in you mine that the first line still aplies.
Though I will not leave for somewhere that is so far away in terms of distance from where I call home, I will be far away from all the life that I loved most. I landed myself with a partnership offer that well, not so bright for me to take so I turned it down. I published my own zine along with my friends and got my article being read by a lot more people than I can imagine. Volunteering at soup kitchen, thank you Syaq for introducing me to the ever lovely Pertiwi Soup Kitchen family. Taking care of the orphans over at the Rumah Titian Kaseh. And so much more.
All that I ever wanted to do, I thank you all of my friends and family for that.
I will go to another chapter of my life now and finish it. Thank you for spending time to read this and have a wonderful day ahead.
Ps. I write this on my phone. Sorry for the grammar mistake if I did not corrected it.
As you might or might not know, I am a troubled architecture students because of my stubbornness. My lecturer were giving me a hard time and failed me twice on my design course which lead me to a very unsatisfying life. But that was 6 months ago.
I choose to take a break from my studies which at first, didn’t seem like a very good idea but then, life have so much more to offer. I got to do what I wanted to do and meet all new and different sort of people that makes life so much more lively than it was before.
I was never the kind who opens up stories about my own life just because I hate it. I used to be hating the question of “So, what are you doing now man?”. But the case is now I was waiting for it. Waiting to share all the stories of my life. Story will always be meant to be shared not told. So I did wrote that before.
Working in the professional world gives me a lot of experience to say that, that kind of life, wasn’t meant for me. I am so in love with the art world that I want to be one with it in other ways. But still, I will be working professionally for 10years coming just so I can realise every bits of my dreams. I have a dream and I know I’m not the only one. So say one of the four wise man.
For my reader, I shall say thanks for spending time to read, and watch all the post that I’ve posted and do expect more to come. This is just another life story of mine and thank you for spending time on this blog.
I had always see a story is a way of people expressing their own feeling by telling it in their own way. A story will always be shared not told as a story will always be full of this emotions and feeling towards a certain thing.
Now concerning about just now. I was going out to my usual soup kitchen session when all of a sudden there were like a group of some our local media television channel came along with us to get a scoop on the story of a homeless person. I never gave a lot of thoughts about how a homeless people share their story of life but suddenly, as the camera start rolling and the question came in, it hits me.
Some of them don’t want to share their part of stories because of getting afraid that their families back in their home town see them in a way that they never wanted to be seen. You have this life being kept in so much secrecy to the public eyes on why do you ever become the person you are at the present state and yet, you somehow just have this kind of feeling that you want to share it. And I wasn’t mad or anything but I just remember the time when I first met the homeless community in Malaysia back when I was doing my research for designing a homeless shelter.
Back then it doesn’t hit me much to think that they will never be a person that is good enough to open up a story about themselves. I remember avoiding them just because of their bad smell and somehow I wish I can help them, in my way, that is not having to directly confront them. I was afraid of them never knowing that they are more afraid of me. I looked at them with so much pettiness when the thing that I should do is to look at them as a person who just have problems that will ease away with just a little help and a bit of a push of spirit and just a simple smile. I was naive.
Maybe that is just the reason that I felt like going back home early just now. I was looking back at my old self knowing that I used to look at these kind of people that I am happily helping them now, as someone who just begs for help. I was mad at myself.
But for whatever reason that kept me going on, I now will always know that who you are now, is what accumulates after all that year you’ve been living and you now will never always be the same as you were once was. As for that I am glad that I am who I am as a present being.
The time when I first saw you, a total strangers, at the school break camp. I haven’t got to see your whole self but I do remember your smile. Those smiles that make me stop the intense talking. We were strangers but when you were out of sight I remember searching for that smile. Eventually we sat across each other in the hall and I keep looking, like I was some stalker.
As I went to sleep I keep thinking about that smile, the cheerfulness, the craziness, that laugh and that smile. By morning your friend said that you were somehow was looking at me too. You can’t imagine how I felt but I was smiling the whole day. By evening fall I dress up looking smart just to impress you and as I saw you I kept telling myself that I won’t come across any girl like you ever. I held on strong and approach you, never did I do that before but there I was, standing close to you and saying ‘hi’. We talked and though it was a short one, I was able to make you smile. I remember you were smiling hard when I was walking away and promised you we should have a chat again. As the day past we keep looking and smiling at each other like there was no one else in that hall. That smile you give me makes me dream even though back at my room people crowd in just to get a laugh. Yes it was loud but your voice was louder.
By the next day as we having our lunch separately, you and your friends and me with mine, sitting across each other, looking as no one else was around to chat too. But then somehow you stood up and walking towards me with that smile, I can never forget that smile, and asking me for my contact number. I remember time stops by that time as people were looking at us, looking at you and how I felt lucky to have you asking that. As I write it down and give it to you I still remember how beautiful that smile was, meaningful. By the end of the camp I still remember that grin you made when we are about to leave each other. We hugged and I remember I don’t want to let you go. As we parted we give a small wave and that sad look, the one I never wanted to see again, not on that beautiful face of yours. As I leave with sadness I check on my cell and remember that text message that you gave to me.
”I have a pair of eye but I can’t see you
I have a pair of hand but I can’t hold you
I have a pair of ear but I can’t listen to you
But I have one heart that will remember you always.”